Gray People are destroying America. (And possibly Canada.)
Posted: June 15, 2012 | Author: theallpowerfulnoo | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Disney, gray people, hercules, humor, list, lotr, mewtwo, movies, mulan, orcs, pokemon, sinbad, the little mermaid, vampires, voldemort, zombies |Leave a comment(Too many of my posts lately have been heavy with social commentary and the mocking of xenophobia. Which, I mean, yeah, is kind of the sort of thing I gear this blog towards, but I also miss the old days (as in, like a year ago), where I just made fun of hipsters and talked about Mario.)
SO. Ahem.
NEVER TRUST GRAY PEOPLE
Lessons I’ve learned.
I watch a lot of cartoons. I read a lot of books. I soak in a lot of pop culture. And I’ve noticed that these forms of media have all sent a strong warning all these years: never trust gray people. I’m honestly a little concerned about how deeply this has been ignored. We’re in danger here, people. Our artists have made it very clear that anyone with a grayish skin pigment is not to be trusted. War criminals and man eaters are among their ranks. We need to be on the alert.
Example #1:
SHAN YU (and all the other Huns) from Mulan
GRAYEST guy ever! He’s heavily armed, probably smells bad, and is undoubtedly very dangerous.
An AVALANCHE cannot KILL HIM.
Um. Yeah. Loud and clear.
Example #2:
ERIS, GODDESS OF CHAOS from Sinbad
Honestly, if the title GODDESS OF MOTHERFUCKING CHAOS didn’t clue you in, yes, I’m disappointed in you, but at least her greeny gray skin will gross you out before you make any deals with her.
Not that that really worked out for Sinbad.
Um, yeah, guys. That happened.
Example #3:
HADES from Hercules
He’s gray. His hair is made of fire. God of the Underworld and all.
I think it’s pretty self explanatory. Notably, The Fates are also kinda gray.
Example #4:
ZOMBIES
When they’re not green, they’re gray.
I honestly think this is a serious concern, in the wake of our obviously-looming zombie apocalypse.
Example #5:
URSULA from The Little Mermaid
She’s ugly. She’s nasty. She’s a Sea Witch. It’s pretty much spelled out for you right there.
- You’d think she could use all that dark ocean magic for a makeover.
I mean, just look at where she LIVES.
Honestly, Ariel, sweetie pie, there were more that enough situational cues there.
Example #6:
LORD VOLDEMORT from Harry Potter
If you’re not aware of Voldemort’s faults, you’re not allowed to read my blog. Go home.
But seriously, Voldie. Ew.
If that doesn’t unnerve you, I don’t know what will. OH. This:
I can’t make this shit up.
Example #7:
VAMPIRES
Vampires really only come in gray.
And really, what kind of a dumb shit trusts vampires? Not your kind of dumb shit, I hope.
Example #8:
ORCS (in particular from LotR)
These guys are just gross.
And they’re VIOLENT, too:
Yeah…they’re a threat to society and need to see a dentist.
Example #9:
MEWTWO from Pokemon
Mewtwo. Such an asshole. Trying to take over the world and shit. That’s not cool, man.
I hate evil pokemon, and so should you.
I tried to find a satisfactory clip of him, but they all made me angry, so you’ll have to take my word for it.
Example #10:
ALL OF THE SO FAR NEGLECTED DISNEY ANTAGONISTS from Every Freaking Princess Movie
Maleficent
Snow White’s stepmother, who’s also a witch and a queen
Cinderella’s stepmother
Mother Gothel
Cruella Deville
What have we learned? Gray people are a threat to life as we know it. They will tear down the values of our society and put old people on death panels. Stop them. Stop them now, while there’s still time.
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